A limbo in the middle of the year.

Finding myself in a liminal space. Ending July the current state seems to be where I have arrived at a fork in the road. The calendar year has been anything but normal yet up until recently dealing with it has been fine on the running front. Good and well, even. And yet I am not sure if my body is telling me to keep off the gas a bit longer or to stay steady and weather the storm.

I had climbed the ladder up to a solid 14 mile run with some good runners in Charlotte in the swampy humidity and high July temps 8 days ago, took the next day off, had a good feeling easy run at 7:10s pace that Tuesday, and then the body started acting up. I used the signals to take 3 days off in a row, and was spending a lot of time thinking about a possible pattern where seemingly after hard long runs at a few now different instances I have “come down” with a very tight and sore chest centered around my sternum. Once, I told my cardiologist about a particular episode that showed it’s head after one of my marathons and he seemed to think that running hard for that duration can cause stress to the muscle lining wall around the ribs and that that was pretty much what I was feeling. It was nice to hear a specialist in the field of hearts not seem to think it was an organ problem. But is that what is going on? And why does it seem to show up a few days later and not right after? That discomfort was accompanied by a very short bout of fatigue and feeling achy where I laid low and rested and counted my blessings that that part went away quickly while the chest pains started to dissolve too, though not quite as quickly.

The past weekend in the mountains was too much of a temptation to not take advantage of the trails to skip running so I tested the waters with some shorter runs, but was still feeling it, though Sunday was less than Saturday, so it was making its way almost totally out – which was good news.

Today, a Monday, starting a new week, coming off a 2020 low of 14 miles, I decided to lace the shows back on and see what will be. Here, enter my current mood: even with time off, the Achilles is beginning to feel like a niggle that will not go away. A turd that just won’t flush. Combine that with wondering if I still need another week off to really get fresh because the toll of 2020 with no races in the calendar and the days just still blending together, I am feeling it a bit mentally too like a ship without a course. The heat has been relentless since late June and that certainly is adding to it as well.

But what centered me today were three things, on my run: Visualization, Bodily Attention, and Bringing my mind back to the present. Running can easily be a time where the mind wonders and roams, and that definitely is part of the appeal on being out there and clearing our head. Yet that can also be a negative if all we ever do is concern our self with future uncertainties and past frustrations. Each step is a new step, each mile a different tale, and a discipline that really helps calm the whirling winds in our brain and feelings is the reminder to bring it back to the present. And so by doing, take a look down at your body and see yourself in motion and marvel at this body you have moving through space and time and conjure that gratitude of your ability to be moving. That positive will help lift you, and that will also translate to the other piece I mentioned about bodily awareness. You might be having some nagging pains, but what about the parts of your body not experiencing discomfort? Place your mind there. Explore how you are feeling from head to toe to fingertips. We are not just our minds. This whole person is along for the run, and it does well to take stock of our whole person.

Until tomorrow,

Daniel

writing + running are better together

I do have a handwritten journal that i occasionally write in, but it's rare. This blog used to be a place i would recount just about all of my runs for a season of my life. Those were good days.

in 2020, our attention span has gotten shorter, and so has our writting - if we do it all. The iPhones and the like seem to be in our hand multiple hours a day, if not almost a third of our waking hours or more if we are honest. Let's just say i'm not proud of the weekly notification on Sunday to report on my screen time. But the world is changing and so are we.

i was thinking just today, about how in the show Entourage from 12-15 years ago where Ari Gold, the agent that was on his phone more than the other characters throughout the episodes which seemed stark back then, probably would be no different than jane doe or john smith on the day to day here in 2020.

and with those smart phones, the writing has been encouraged to shrink into 240 characters, or small bits of information that we can scroll while we digest a few sentences. Hell, even reading a book in this day in age takes a lot of practice just to calm the mind and focus. And when you may read a book you'll probably notice that the chapters are much shorter than the days of old, no doubt to help keep the reader engaged. i guess in someways its sad, but we can see the future and where this evolution is taking us, which, does leave a little of the fraught behind from the troublesome worry that was happening more at the precipice of this shirt during the advent of social media and quicker smartphones.

All that to say, while the running log has been part of mans running since the quill and papyrus, the newest method of a running record, the length there has also been encouraged to become shorter. Well, with the ease of use it has also kept me from longer writing post runs, which always seems to help me unpack my thoughts that often come to me on those miles of solitude. But today, i am banging some keys and am happy to be here.

so, about that running stuff....

...today's run was cool. Always a man of adventure seeking, I left the house not exactly knowing were I was going to go run, but just knew I wanted semi flat, and some shade, and not too far of a drive. As I headed down Ballantyne Commons Parkway, I crossed over Elm Lane and started getting a better idea of where to begin. I turned on Community House towards Johnston Rd, and slid into the Hampton Inn parking lot. Figured I would track south on Community House southward and figure it out from there.

I knew i needed a run that was more than just maintenance. I gave myself the day off yesterday, and went easy on Sunday after my 5k Saturday so the legs needed a little workout, but didn't want to go too hard with a hopeful Mile TT this coming Saturday. And with doing some shorter reps last week, and realizing my threshold runs is where I needed to focus, I decided to do about a 25 min tempo, where I would try and progress from easy moderate to sub 6 min pace. Given the odd number of minutes, and that I only wanted the full run to be about 50 mins since it was already pretty hot and sunny out, after 12 mins of easy warm up i stopped to stretch and decided i would make the tempo broken up into 5 min blocks, trying to cut down each one, would add a 1 min stride turnover fast clip to give me 12 min cool down back for a perfect 50 mins. (realizing now as i type this in my heat haze mind i ended at 48 mins, lol oh well).

My Achilles were pretty sore in the warm up, but once i started picking up the pace after stopping to stretch it was fine. i succeeded in clipping down, but did kind of stall on the 4th rep (hills though).  i'll say this was a good run, and that i am handling/acclimating the heat pretty well here in Mid July.

The best part of this run experience was when i was jogging back passing the Hampton Inn, i noticed their outdoor pool (not a sole out there - it was 9:30am afterall), and being hot and tempted, i walked over to the gate, reach over to open it, slid my shoes off, and took a dip. A worker saw me and for a second thought was going to bust me, but instead asked how the pool was and if i wanted some water to drink. I at first said no, but given the unique position i was in thought this would really be the cherry on top, so i said "sure if you are offering!" .... as i walked back to my car, her was in the parking lot, and no doubt was scratching his head as he saw me get in the car and drive off. hahah. 

Where are we?

Perhaps no more a vague title than the above can be applied to more things than in this exceptional time of uncharted bewilderment. I was just watching Current Mood on Instagram - a live show that John Mayer records Sunday nights on his phone - and one of the commenters, of which there are thousands ongoing throughout the broadcast (he typically retains about 25k veiwers during his show), remarked how so many things we are all going through are all the more relate-able given how this experience of self isolation around the world is giving a shared experience more than we've had in unison to which we can all so easily share and follow along given the power to post instantly on our smartphones. That's a lot to say that, the question of Where are we - is meant to carry a few ways to answer given that our running is not spared in the newly thrust upon us way of living, that has made us a bit disoriented on the fly. Perhaps me now at the keyboard is me getting ready to share a couple ways of insight to some answers that I've been thinking about and looking for along the way. 

where we are is always a moving target, and yet it's also always a constant. where we are is where we are. it's a snapshot in time. and inventory of what is now. it's a transient state and also a fixed reality. we have control of the next "here" but that depends on where we were when we asked it previously, and how that answer satisfies based on where that place is the next time we ask. with running, distance in motion, time in space, we are always marking ourselves by a bevy of calendars. seconds, minutes, days, months, cycles, years. But maybe on a more large scale ask, "where are we" as a place of our on those scales, and the metaphysical where with running being something that we know and can identify, that even that has been called into question for some of us. 

for those in a state of improving and grading our results against clocks and competitors, this is a challenge . If we ever leave out the variable that i would say is the soul of "why" we run, it's the run against, with, and in concert to our self. The heart of all our analysis has a base that is only compared and looked at as how "we" the collective mind body soul and spirit ran in unison and with excellence together that gives us our validation of accomplishment and true judgement. A result that might have looked good on paper, but didn't go with the grain of the whole person and the drive that is measured based on only our own acknowledgement of how we came into the run and did the run, can truly be a mirror to our own understanding. 

think about your training. Each day you set out with purpose to register a run that will serve a later goal. if that goal is time or place, when we are in that race we will know if we met our self with our best that day or not, and this doesn't go without knowing what that best is on that given day. sometimes that is our best ever, and sometimes we just squeeze whatever we can from the juice that is there for the day....but we will know if we left pulp un-squeezed or if truly our hands are sore from the try. 

that is kind of an overarching way to have realized running in what we do each day, for the last while or so. Without races it has brought back to mind that running really when all stripped away, is a dialogue with our self, a conversation of inventory and output and bartering or being exposed on what we really have and what we really bring to the table each time we embark. 

yesterday was supposed to be Cherry Blossom 10 miler but here we are in week 4 of coronavirus USA. when i looked back at my training i saw that after a month of easy running and recovery from NYC marathon, i just finished 16 weeks of solid consistent running. that is a full cycles worth. In that period, i was able to race a 5k Jan 1st ( a PR, but not in peak shape),  and a solid 10miler PR in mid Feb. The plan after that was Elizabeth 8k in March (would have been gunning for a PR (post collegiate-which would have needed sub 2622, i think i could have done as i did that in Nov at turkey trot and had been sharpening up the speed.)) And then another attempt at a lowered 10 miler PR at a bucket list largest race of 20k people in DC on a nice quicker course. I would have liked to have think i could have done what i wanted to do (PR again), but one thing i did get that i didn't expect was a Half Marathon PR on a solo training run (last week---1:22:10), one which i didn't consider going after until the last mile, just was feeling good wearing my race shoes. That was a nice 'Cherry' to end the "season"....also, along the way we have all started going after Strava crowns. Have added a good bit of those, although maybe they are taking away some structure but all is fine anyway, i have now ended my cycle and can rest knowing i put in a full load, and need this easy weeks before the next build up which hopefully includes races in the fall baring no more Covid delays. 

The state of running at present

2019 ended one of my best years ever as a runner, and 2020 started (literally)  right where I left off...with a PR (post high school) on New Years day with a 5k race (17:07).

After taking just a few days off totally after NYC, I eased into some weeks before the Turkey Trot at the end of November with a great race in the 8K, garnering a top 15 finish and a first in my age group award, which also won me a free year's membership into the Tracksmith Hare AC club. After that, December was enjoyable running with the fitness I had built all the months earlier in the year, and beginning to incorporate some more speed-work, as I was eyeing races for 2020 where I wanted to continue to lower my times. In fact, I even bought my first pair of racing flats for the first time in a decade to motivate me for the speed interval training.

As January slipped into the middle of the month and I was starting to run harder again, I had my first injury setback in years. Backing up, after the NYC marathon I noticed a soreness in my Achilles, no doubt a part of the price I paid during that event. Yet, it was very manageable and not hindering. So, on a mid Jan. track workout, while attacking some short intervals, I felt my Achilles give out. Immediate pain. I gauged it, was able to continue with just a slight gait adjustment, and stubbornly proceeded to finish the workout. When I was cooling down to my car, I could tell I had messed it up, for it was getting worse. The next day I couldn't walk normally. I took off a couple days, iced it, and followed with some very short easy runs to where I was about back to normal within a week. Was feeling pretty fortunate that I had seemingly escaped a close call, and was back on track, despite having to sit out the Winter Classic 8K at McAlpine which i was really looking forward to.

By the end of the month I was back to workouts and eyeing a big PR at the mid Feb. Charlotte 10 miler. I was feeling in shape and ready to race.

The race went great, and I did get a huge PR (over 7 minutes!).

When the gun went off I got out and settled into pace, which, surprisingly to me, had be up in the top 5 the first half mile. The racers settled in, and I was in position just behind Michael Cooney. When he went passed he got to about a 10 second gap on me, but once we were rolling we stayed equal distance. I was able to keep focused on him and the other leaders still view-able up ahead which kept me engaged. Also, being on sub 60 minute pace and feeling good I was eager to stay attacking. Started closing the gap on mile 6 to Michael up in front, and was starting to get to a good mental place where I knew with 3 miles to go I would be able to mentally start attacking a little bit more. At mile 7 then, I did come up to him, say "lets go, three miles, we got this" and passed him. That 8th mile I was focusing on staying ahead, and then we turned off the greenway into the neighborhood nearby and immediately began climbing uphill. The hill was pretty steep, but then we made a 90 degree right turn and got some downhill, only to turn left and begin an even steeper and longer uphill. At the crest of the hill there was a U-Turn where we would simply go back the way we came back into the greenway. That being the case, as I first exited the greenway the leader of the race, Chris Raulii passed me on his exit from the neighborhood, almost a mile ahead of me, and minutes in front of the next person. Dude was rolling. It was pretty cool to be able to see everyone who was in front of me run past, giving a sense of where I was, and also, to see who was behind me after I made the u-turn myself. Definitely motivating to keep pushing and not get caught.
Once we were back on the greenway, we hit our 9th mile split and the race was on to the finish. I was trying to pick it up, and was surprised a guy I hadn't felt or seen was coming up quickly on me. He inevitably caught me, and knowing he would I tried to get prepared to not just let him go but to fight and use him to carry me with on the increased pace. Alas, I couldn't hang with him for much more than a minute or so, nonetheless by the time he was past me I only had a couple minutes left in the race so I tried to dig in and get that PR as low as I could. For a moment I thought I had an outside shot to break 59 minutes, but would have needed a really fast last mile to do so. I didn't, but still I had a faster than average mile and got to the finish line in 59:09 for 7th place overall and first in my age group.

Had a good week of running of recovery and bounced back for a nice 12.5 mile run with 5 miles of alternating 800s at hard pace and medium paced recoveries.

This past week I signed up for Cherry Blossom 10 miler April 5th, one of the nations biggest and most well known road races. And then this past Tuesday, after my first workout of the week - mile repeats, with some minute surges afterword, my IT band outside side of my left knee, began hurting, giving me some anxiety about a potential new injury popping up, one that portends to be a more serious one than the nagging Achilles I have been dealing with.

I'm writing this after taking yesterday off, and almost certainly about to take this day off as well, which would mark the first consecutive days off I have had since Dec. 13th 2020.

Hoping to race the Elizabeth 8k March 21st. 

2019

The end of a decade is nigh. Why am i sensing this turn of the page so much more deeply than i did in 2009. Was it because back then we had just flipped a century, let alone a millennium, and so a decade wasn't much cause for notice? was it my age playing the part of being young and still unready to be aware? i suspect much of the former and some of the ladder. and maybe this decade isn't that big of a deal, but then again - i think when you look at history we see the lens focus into categories and labels. such is marking history. So what will this decade be marked by? on a personal note, i have been thinking...

this decade i saw life give and take. my first child was born, and as the sharing the title of oldest sibling with my wife, we were the forerunners for ushering in the next generation - so the experience was not only personal but also experiential from a primary standpoint. also crammed in that single decade, on the other end of the spectrum, i had a parent loss. my dad went on early, shocking us all at the age of 53. throw in my grandfathers passing, while not the first of grandparents I have experienced parting from, we have a 4 generational series of events, actually smashed into 4 months. Jan 2011-May 2011.

it was such a joy moving into parenthood. Not despite the end of "freedom" in a sense, no because we did kind of yearn for that, but our youth kept us equipped with the naivete to keep moving to the dance - which we did with kid in tow. When you are the first of your friends to be in this phase of life, you just keep L I V I N baby. taking her to parks, breweries, concerts, friends houses, restaurants, we did it.

Speaking of which, one thing that is to note and that i will remember about this decade was that it really was the decade Craft Beer really began and took hold, skyrocketing into our culture seemingly everywhere and anywhere one were to find a cold beverage. i believe there are 20+ in the Charlotte proper, with i'm sure 10 around the city, and then on to everywhere you practically go in the state of NC, and to a certain extent anywhere you keep going in the country.

my first marathon was this decade....2010 Ft. Lauderdale, A1A marathon. I think i had the itch to have some new big undertaking that i could combine with travel. i thought the  challenge was perfectly arduous enough yet also attainable in a period of time that wouldn't extend beyond the point of keeping my interest. through this i added blogging/writing in longer form as a running log. the new for 2010 blogs that were popular was not short in the field of runners, who have been famous for their running logs and journals, a staple for these athletes and something unique in sport. it lends itself to the inward reflection we get on many a solo runs. another gift to be appreciated in that i discovered i felt more complete, clear, and expressive from writing recaps of runs, and also respectful for the bursts of thoughts i would glean while running that i could then capture before it was blown away into the air.

running from end of 2009-mid 2012 was good, and then it had almost a 4 year lull-and i only say that now after having and currently still on this heightened and more consistent kick of running for the last 1.5 years and being able to see that while i ran, i left prime years on the table - 28-32 (2012-2016) - but, hey you can't do it all/everything. i had my second daughter in 2014 and we moved houses across town in 2015. I also changed jobs in 2012 and was tasked with building a client base of trucking companies from scratch, alone. it was very challenging, the job, but i leaned on my endurance training from running and persevered and did in fact build a book of business.

old friendships were maintained, and new ones were forged. a tradition kept on rolling - Man Night, although the venue hasn't been here in close to 2 years. We are not far from the end of this tunnel and will definitely be resuming some hosting.

and yet, while i could write more, and would were i not puttering out at this current time, i will wind it down by getting to something that i have really been in the last bit was just how special this last year of the decade has been. 2019 started with me taking a work trip to kick off some sales training which really was a nice jolt going into year 7 as a producer, a large family trip to Disney world - the best and biggest vacation we have done, and from a running standpoint - the fastest I have been ever at the long stuff, and since college at the shorter stuff. It's nice getting PRs still, and this past year I got more than I ever have: Marathon (2x), 10k (2x), 8k (post college) and had a trail half (pr....only other one was in 2016)

my outlook changed from all the above. i grew deeply with the events mentioned, and i think as a human and consciousness found better love, peace, awe and wonder.

PR list - a look back at the last two decades

400m - .53 2002

800m - 1:55 2004

1500m - 3:59  2003

1600m - 4:27 2002

Mile - 4:21 2003

3200m - 9:55 2002

Steeple - 9:45 2003

5k - 16:18 2001

8k - 26:28 2004

10k - 35:14 2019

10mi - 1:06:26 2018

15k - 57:25 2011

half marathon - 1:22:26 2018

marathon - 2:53:57 2019



10k and up, all records set this decade.
8k and down, all records set last decade.

Surely, only the 5k and 8k do I have a chance to still break.

"It was all a dream" - NYC Marathon 2019

"Hello. Yes, can you please wake me up at 4:57am? Thank you."

That is how I finished my work before i would awake to the day that i would run my first new york city marathon, and my third overall world major marathon.
A nice CBD capsule around 9pm, a belly full of days worth of carbs, an easy conversation with Josh Brewer on the phone, a goodnight facetime to my wife, and the luck of getting an extra hour of sleep with daylights savings time, I turned off the light in my room at the Double Tree Hotel in the Financial District, just a few minutes walk from the Staten Island Ferry I was set to ride on at 5:45am that morning.

I have been wanting to get into this race for three years. That is when i started pursuing it, yet I have hearing much about it from friends, and understanding it's general importance in the world of marathons since I began this long distance running lifestyle almost 10 years ago. Mike Mitchell did NYC as his first marathon close to a decade ago, David Brinkley was set to go before Sandy derailed him 5+ years ago, and my old teammate Carson Blackwelder has run it multiple times, I believe. Also, i remember when i was about to go to Boston in 2012, Stephen Spada expressed to me how much better NYC was compared to Boston, no doubt I took his comments with a suspected partiality but knowing his home and the friction of anything between those two cities - but also, when I visited my brother coinciding with the marathon, i would say around 5 years ago, i began to wonder and shift to thinking New York very well may be the best one.

So I entered the lottery two years ago, and also last year, both to no avail. As I was getting ready for the January 2019 Disney Marathon in Autumn 2018, I jumped in the Charlotte half marathon and ran a PR, that, as NYC operates, resulted in me qualifying still not a guarantee, to the race. So i put my name in the hat, the same week i had just finished the Disney race, and found out a few weeks after, that i had been accepted. Wahoo!

I knew I was in for something really special before I even got on the ferry, as i walked down the cold dark street where people were giving away free coffee, and volunteers were welcoming the runners with greetings of good morning and excitement. Here we are, 4 hours away from the gun, and folks are already happily volunteering, making no doubt a very long day. It was adventurous in feeling, going out from my bags and phone back at the hotel, where I wouldn't be "in touch" with people until I was done with the race...hours and miles much later far away, while going headlong into the throngs of people on the same journey. As I got into the Ferry port departure building on the Manhattan side, I immediately became away at how this even is unique in the fact that where typically in a large gathering you know in 2019 see about 85% of people looking at their device screen, but here it was about 45% - a drastic enough difference to be noticeable. Still, if you think about it - that is a LOT of people leaving it up to checked bag teams or carrying their phones during race! And yes, there were a lot that did carry, made easy by the fannypacks of pockets that some marathoners like to use. I digress...

A beautiful sunrise greeted us over the waters, while we ferry'd over to staten island.I was now for the first time in Staten Island, making that the last borough for me to have been to in my life. Being separated but still a part of the city definition, it had very much it's own personality apart from the other boroughs. A more blue color new england look, not as tightly packed like the other parts of NYC. It seemed like a great place to start this run, especially on the Verrazzano-Narrows Bridge - once the longest suspension bridge at 2 miles across, made for the most incredible start. Of course we were all ready to get going for the 9:40am start, as the waiting in the start village was over 2 hours for most people. Hats off to the race in so many phases, but in no small part to the complimentary bagels, energy bars, coffee, water, and bananas...and free dunkin doughnuts hats! I was very happy this was the case because i did not bring any fuel with me. Just a pair of sweatpants and a longsleeve t shirt which i would donate after stripping off before the start. It looked like a displaced migrant group that was laying on the grass and parking lots on cardboard, wearing plastic bags and random mismatched clothes. It was chilly, but thankfully not a cloud in the sky. The corral opened up, and the crowds began to get in line to get in line. It was getting closer and then they let us to the start, on the bridge. There we got in place, while the elites had the middle of the bridge, i was on the left side facing Brooklyn. It was cool being able to see them all get ready and do strides so close to me, while the starter over the load speaker introduced them. I recognized a couple of them from where I was, and then the music began after the star spangled banner. The fever was rising and we all were starting to bounce up and down with excitement. Then, we were off...

I didn't have much trouble getting out. I was about 15 seconds behind the starting line, and then only it took maybe a half mile to have it thinned out enough i was not effected at all by traffic. I knew given the incline i would not be quick, so when my watched hit 6:49 I was not alarmed at all. This was slower than the pace I had recently decided to go for (sub 6:30). Okay, so I had the best fitness i have gotten for any marathon going into this one, so I knew I wanted a big PR but up until seeing folks run great at Chicago, and Marine Corp, did I start to believe I had a shot at going sub 2:50. It's hard to say, but I don't think I totally expected to - but also I now was brave enough to think it was possible. Anyway, the downhill part of the bridge begun and the legs started to roll along with all the rest of the people. The view was amazing up here - my favorite on the whole course....such a clear autumn day, you could see Staten Island, Brooklyn, Statue of Liberty, the New York Harbor, and Lower Manhattan. It was majestic. Also, there were a half dozen helicopters humming parallel to the bridge beside us adding to the atmosphere, as well as a handful of other copters flying about beyond.

 6:01 for the second mile, and exiting off the bridge onto the days first bit of flat ground. The difference had been made up just like that and now was at a 6:25 average. Under 6:30 would be a little quicker than my old teammate and still friend, charly parsons ran in his marathon debut the week prior at Marine Corp 2:50:59 . Simply stunning. It was always fun competing against him, and he typically would set the mark, so this was like old times in chasing him. Signs, people, cheering, parties, and anything you can imagine that people do while watching a marathon go by out on the street on a beautiful day in new york city had begun. This was going to be a rocking party. A fitness parade hahah. With 53,000 runners, i believe this was officially the biggest marathon in the world on record. We would pass by over a million spectators. What an energy!

As i started to settle into my pace and rythm and began to keep my eyes open for any potential people i may join, either known to them or not. If headphone free I would say Good Job, and on the first guy i asked what he wanted to run I was surprised he wanted to run what i did, 250. okay, I'm seeing to be going faster than him so this is a good sign, and yes we are faster than pace, but I decided to go on after he encouraged me. I didn't leave thinking I wanted to go faster than 250 - but that i wanted to run what i felt was the appropriate pace....and this felt too reserved. This being my 8th marathon, i trusted my senses more than ever since i was properly trained. It's amazing how freeing that feelign is over having done the work. We think we can avoid training because may get away with it, and we will have saved time, or didn't have to sacrifice whatever else we chose to do instead of run. But then you get to the race and - like me at Chicago - you "trust" those feelings, and then have a hell of a time once the collapse takes hold. This is part of learning, and experiencing the lessons of the marathon. And not just the race itself, but what it takes in preparation to be able to execute a pace that you can maintain. Now, you can also slack in training and run restrained, but believe me - it's not as fun as how i felt - being in shape, feeling 615s like a breeze, and like you are about to do something special. So that was my prevailing feeling as I went full steam ahead into deeply uncharted territory. I definitely had room in my head that i might not increase, but that i was tough enough to hold on. And so after passing my family beside my brothers corner at 72nd and 4th Ave. in Bay Ridge just after the 5k mark, I through them my hat - which almost made it off the street, but not quite - to where they could not retrieve (sigh), for, at this juncture in the race, i was still on the opposite side of the road from them with a barricade in the middle as the runners from different corrals merged at a point elsewhere off the bridge to to where we had yet arrived with open streets that we could run freely in.

I had my first gel, Maurteen with Caffeine - at mile 6.5 after i crossed the 10k under 40 mins. I was in a nice groove now, and was enjoying the sun shine upon my face. On ward i went, feeling smooth and in control. The new Nike Next% shoes felt awesome on my feet. I think they sure are worth the hype, as well as thousands of others in the bright green and pink shoes. Miles 8-11 in Brooklyn were awesome. The crowds were so ruckus. Then we hit the Hasidic Jewish area and it was very quite. Quite a difference.

I hit 10 miles in a new 10 mile record for me, sub 103. Wow - just cruising. The conversation in my head was starting to pick up: Keep leaning forward/push off on your toes/keep your feet falling quickly to the ground/quick cadence/you got this/feeling awesome/etc.  I was not feeling fatigued, I was excited knowing the first half was coming up pretty soon. Here in this section there was a good amount of rolling hills and turns around Williamsburg, and then as we wound our way into Queens right around 13 miles. I started to take my second Maurteen gel, no caff, and hurry up over the bridge /overpass - which was small - before the Queensboro bridge - into the first half point at 1:22:38...just 10 seconds off my half PR, but it felt easy! I thought I may not be even or negative split, but I did feel I was going to be in for a great PR because I trusted my fitness if times got rough - which i still was hoping I may be able to unleash a good finish, but i wasn't totally sure being that I had 13 miles still to run and I was on such a pace. But no less I didn't dwell on that, just continued to stay in the moment and focus each mile based on the people around me making sure I was keeping pace, picking a target in front to stay equal with, or increase, and focus on a smooth form. Being this far in people had really settled and there were a few shirts I kept tabs on for many miles that helped a lot.

The Queens Borough was very short lived, but all the attention was on getting up and over one of the hardest parts of the course, that bridge - coming at mile 15. It was hyped up enough i was ready for the challenge but actually running it was not as hard as it was made to seem.  I definitely slowed down but just to 6:30 for that mile, but on the down I didn't speed up as much and the 16th mile, with some sharp turns, i hit 6:27 - still slower than my overall pace. Maybe this was the first sign of "uh-oh". We went left onto 1st Ave. and the crowds of Manhattan became very ruckus once again, welcoming us to the first glimmers of where we'd be finishing, just a few blocks over in Central Park. Now, these next few miles 16-19 were pretty tough IMO on the long straightway, wide street, headwind, and rolling inclines. This accelerated the slowing oncoming fatigue that I began to feel, yet was being held off from the new sights and sounds of this the very populated borough. The crowds seemed to be 4 and 5 deep off the street, on both sides. Madness. I was keeping my eye out for Charly who said he would be around mile 17, but I really thought I would never see him. Sure enough, he yelled out, up on his perch, and I got a little boost from that I carried on, despite the creeping dread that was in the back of my head.

I remember waiting for the bridge out of Manhattan that would take us into the Bronx. I had shifted gears into breaking down the course into mini segments as I was now relying on mental tricks to keep the pace. Once we hit that small bridge over, beside us was a band playing Smells like Teen Spirit and that provided a little boost, but I had realized I was having a tough time - and had now since about a mile earlier on the last wide parts of the straightaway - gone from eyeing people to stay with, to seeing a few here and there come up beside me and increase their lead. I was slowing down ever so slightly, and now, coming into "the wall" I was clearly beginning the fight.

We hit the Bronx, and at mile 20 and I was still on pace for a 2:46 but but that was beginning to feel very tough to keep replicating for 6 more miles what I had done. The crowds were thin here, the scenery not as vibrant, and we passed some spectators telling us 5 more miles, and my breathing started to get labored and I wondered just how well i was going to hang on. the Mile 21 split I was now at 247 pace, clipping a split of  654. The pace had began to rise at 19, but this was the slowest difference by far of the race. We were now back over the last bridge, into Harlem (Manhattan once again) and at the 22 mile marker I split a 7:10. Uh-oh. pace now was on for a 248. I knew I wasn't going to at this point stay there, but I still thought maybe i would get a last wind to still challenge sub 250. I looked down and tried to move my legs almost mentally but in taking inventory of my body, it seemed the lactic acid had set in and I may not be able to shake it.

backing up a bit, after the second gel, finished off around mile 15 I was happy to have it finished because with the ongoing sips of Gatorade as well, my stomach wasn't loving the sweet tastes anymore and i really had no desire to take a third one when the time came. The weather provided really not a great need for me to really go after the H2O but for the Gatorade I did try and keep regular, every other or few miles, to make sure I was getting replenished and would avoid cramping.
and what typically happens with me in the marathon, is that around the Wall i do tend to get some bouts of nausea. No exception here. Its tough because your body is starting to hurt, and people are starting to pass you and its all around demoralizing. so, the third gel (GU rocket fuel), at mile 22 i tried once suck and could not take anymore. that would be it for me. I almost wondered why try, but i was trusting they would help and if i relied on my feelings i would probably regret not being preventative with fuel, so it was tough exactly to know how to handle it. anyway i had to get through 4 more miles.

at mile 23, now entering Central Park, after having the last couple miles of throngs of people pass me, .i was- for the last time- still under 250 pace (2:49:39) and was at a 7:40 for the mile. I had began to come to terms with the fact that i would not be beating my old teammate Charly's record this day, despite having such a lead for so long. Yet, three miles to go though is very short when you train for marathons. It's basically a recovery or warm up, just a bit over 20 mins. Who can't suck it up for that long?! I had to trick myself, and make the most of this race i was having and see how much of a PR i could muster. Also, I was now in Central Park, I was having the race of my life, lots of people were tracking me and I just couldn't give up. I felt a lot of pressure, and i'm glad i did - i needed all the help i could get to not give in. No doubt the experiences of past marathons helped me from going through these times before and coming out the other side. I reminded myself that this is temporary. Pain is not permanent and that my future self would be relieved if I fought with all I had, verses the alternative where I couldn't go back and change the past were I to know I didn't give my all. So, that 24th mile I did not loose pace, but i was still falling off from my expected finish. 24th mile 7:40 once again. 2 miles to go and i saw the running clock read 2:36:30 and I thought just keep holding on and this will be a great race.

I think sensing that if I could push really hard for one more mile, I knew I could get the last mile in mentally, and so with everything I had I went for it and was able to bring the split down to a 7:19. This was no small feat given it's so hard to reverse course once lactic acid sets in, and you are in mile 25. But that seemed to totally whip me out. I had mental motivation with one mile left, but physically i was drained. I could not see normally, my vision was blurry and my head so light. This last mile was one of the most tenuous runs of my life. It felt as if i could fall over or my body just decide to stop on it's own if i wasn't careful. Balancing this feeling while also telling yourself to keep running because each second slower was a sacrifice to my new PR, i was in a really rough spot. I felt the finish close but it seemed to not come. The last straightaway before the final turn was taking for ever. I was swerving left and right, just trying to keep one foot in front of the other. Slowly, i hit the last turn, saw mile 26 and the clock said 2:52:12, and i gazed ahead for a line to run to. I couldn't see it. The last stretch was winding and I had to keep trudging until I got my view-able goal line.

 There it was, up on a little incline, and while the first part of the last .2 I had no kick at all, the last half of that .2 (.1) i looked at my watch and saw that if i did not kick i would miss 253. I did, and just snuck past the line at 2:53:57. OMG - i had done it. Right there at the finish line a black guy in jeans, a fleece, and a ball cap was shaking finishers hands. Whoa, he looked like Meb Keflezighi. It would make sense i thought, but nah, really? After a few paces beyond, i had to turn back to ask. With a big smile, he nodded it was him. Amazing - this is one of the best distance runners of all time. a 2004 silver medalist in the marathon, a 2009 NYC champion, and 2014 Boston Marathon. kind of a cool thing!

that's pretty much the race recap. the long chute proved too much for my lightheaded-ness and fatigue so i went to the medical tent to recovery for about 10 mins before finishing my exit. I had really left it all out there, after a daring race going much faster than I ever have, and giving myself a real shot for going well under 250, where my previous best was only 257. All this in less than a year. I felt i really have gained a lot of fitness and improvement in 2019, and I'm excited to see myself still ripping off PRs. in the last 12 months I have had lifetime PRs in: half marathon, 10k (twice), trail half marathon, and marathon (twice).

Mile Splits for the day: (1) 645, (2) 601, (3) 622,  (4) 614, (5) 612,  (6) 615, (7) 616, (8)620, (9)621, (10)608, (11)621, (12)613, (13)622,(14) 618, (15) 631, (16) 627, (17) 623, (18) 621, (19) 631,(20) 641,(21) 654, (22)710, (23)740, (24) 741, (25) 719, (26) 822, (.2) 145
underlined is when i fell off hard

I'm close to popping another BIG PR, and i'm excited to keep on ahead. Thanks for reading!